One song

if theres one song that likened to my life..it would be Breaking the Habit by Linkin park..the song music itself is ok but the lyrics describes how confused i am or used to be..

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this wayI know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime beforeI had no options left again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
*All rights of song belong to Linkin Park. Lyrics written by Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington*

That was the song that will always be attached what i feel in the past. i just got stuck in with no where to turn or go and worst still i have no idea how i have gotten so deep in the "disease." anyways, for now the stupid feelings still comes to haunt me and each criticism i faced brings it closer. But i have a much better coping technique than what i have done in the past. for me now i always tink for every such a person theres always good real friends like sha,yan or yana or my family or my religion. what important is IF u have a good friend/family members or whoever please go and tell that person positive things. they may smile and laugh and look happy on the outside but only god knows how miserable they could be. always remember, its harder to give positive comments than negative comments. so make the point to always give positive comments. and just in case some pricks think this is how i garner sympathy then screw ya. i dont need sympathy i just want to feel belong and open people's eyes that most suicide cases occur because all they get is just negative comments or negative feelings. so stop being such a self-centred person and tink of other's feelings before mouthing others off.

i give up

i just want to rant something. rant about my incompetency to blend in to society. i put a blame on my feelings on one of my classmates today. but really,upon closer inspection its me. in my whole life, i have always tried to blend in. try to flow with society. but i am always the odd piece to the puzzle.never cool enough to fit in. always the nerdy kid with huge bags in secondary school. moving on to poly, i thought i could fit in. for a short 2 years i felt i did. but now i just realised, i didnt move far. with the fake laughter and smile everyday,its not that hard to get deluded. borrowing a line from eminem "i just hide behind the tears of a clown". but in actual fact i am still the same lifeless bugger who lack social life so badly that gaming became my frend. its so bad that wen i want to go out for a movie, i struggle to find frends to go out with.

everyday, i wish i could be one of those guys who have big circle of frends. should i get badly injured or dead *touchwood* i will be just another unknown person passing on. i will probs wont be remembered by many. guess its time i accept the fact that i am wat those people describe me as...a lifeless poor looking kid who will be a footnote in history. o wait..i am soon no longer a kid..a lifeless adult.

thank you for listening to my rant...to whoever if any who reads this blog..soon this blog will torn down..for now this is the outlet of expression for me........